.357 LOVER

Circus Una's Motorcycle Thrill Show

2012-02-11T10:57:00.001-05:00

Hava Nagilah Monster used for Motorcycle Thrill Show promo:

The Purchase of the North Pole album art

2011-12-13T08:32:00.004-05:00

From Pat Roberts: This Unvoyageable Gulf Obscure
Pat Roberts and I in front of .357 Lover's The Purchase of the North Pole album cover.

Video Flyer for 12/9/11

2011-11-28T13:57:00.001-05:00

Video Flyer for Union Hall 11/18

2011-11-16T10:52:00.001-05:00

Video Flyer for Trapeze Spectacular Showtime Show

2011-08-14T08:43:00.000-04:00

Piano Rock Night Video Flyer

2011-07-16T15:05:00.000-04:00

Piano Rock Night at Goodbye Blue Monday

2011-07-06T09:20:00.002-04:00

Another Mercury Flyer

2011-06-15T17:44:00.002-04:00

Video Flyer for 6/17 Mercury Show

2011-06-13T11:11:00.001-04:00

Van Halen Night

2011-04-22T09:49:00.003-04:00

On May 7, we're covering the first Van Halen album in its entirety at Brooklyn Bowl.
Here's the informative link: http://www.brooklynbowl.com
And here is Van Halen:

And here we are covering Katy Perry in the style of Van Halen:

Akron Buzz in the Buzzbin

2011-03-08T08:22:00.001-05:00

http://www.buzzbinmagazine.com/home/2011/03/02/buzzbin-talks-to-corn-mo/

Tour Videos!

2011-03-02T14:26:00.004-05:00

Thrillist.com Winner

2011-03-02T14:20:00.005-05:00

The winner of the Thrillist.com's Anthem Winner Contest is Jean Loscalzo. Among some of the things she's done is aerial work. Here she is doing trapeze.

What epic project/goal in your life would find its completion hastened by a soaring, heroic, ball-swelling rock anthem?
In April 2010 in Costa Rica, I got bit by a sand fly that gave me a deadly parasitic disease, only found in the jungle. It's so rare only 20 people a year in the whole world get it. There is no known cure and there is no known medical treatment. The disease is not recognized in the USA so no health care provider has to assist with the medical costs, and if the Federal government doesn't approve the treatments they really dont have to pay a dime. Besides, what artist actually has health insurance anyway. Some of the meds are illegal in the US and will have to get smuggled in from Canada at a cost of $10,000 just for the drug, and it might not even work.
So, I am a test subject, there are two other guys in my case study group, they are soldiers from Iraq. The drugs they are testing on us are very dangerous, but they cant say how dangerous until they put it in your body. I'm a sexy lab rat. My friends are my sexy nurses, who have kept me alive for the last 7 months, because they absolutely totally rule!

What Herculean efforts have you already undertaken in attempt to complete said goal?
It took the specialists and the Center for Disease control 3 months to figure out what I had. In July they decided to try an IV drug. Because the US Government doesn't recognize my disease they couldn't put me in the hospital to get the drugs, instead they sent a nurse to my house with boxes of supplies to teach me how to give myself the 10 hr a day treatment, along with all the other injections and crap that goes along with it.
So my friends came to my house everyday for a week, in shifts to administer this toxic nasty drug through an IV installed in my arms, I couldn't even walk, I have no idea how they thought I could give it to myself. My friends watched over me day and night. This was meant to go on for 10 straight days. I had two really close calls, but my friend Mary saved my life, then on day 5 they had to rush me to the emergency room because the medicine gave me cardiac arrest, I should have been given the meds in the hospital but no insurance wouldn't approve the treatments. So then they put me on some other hard core nasty drugs for 8 more weeks. I lost the use of my left arm, but got it back, I lost the hearing in my right ear, but almost have that back. I couldn't walk by myself for 3 months because the vertigo was so bad, but now I can walk a few blocks on my own, I still can't drive or do much of anything because the drugs wipped out my system. I'm not allowed to ride the subway. The medicine ate away at some bones in my skull, If they didn't rush me to the hospital that day It would have ate all the way through and I would have lost my hearing forever, and would feel like I was spinning around in space on acid for the rest of my life, with no way to fix it. The meds almost killed me. But I've been kicking ass trying to get better every day since then. It's been exactly 7 months since I got my first dose of medicine.

What obstacles currently stand in your way?
Well I prefer the dudes actually. I have a mountain of hospital bills, I measured them they are 28" tall. I can't go back to work yet because I am still sick from the medicine they used on me. I used to do trapeze but since the meds, I can't go upside down so well...yet. I never know if I am actually going to get better and no one knows shit about anything that is happening to me. I gotta get strong like Rocky and show all those scientists I'm one in a million. I have to fight to get better so I can stay out of the government hospital in DC where they plan to stick an IV in me for a whole month and every day for 12 hrs a day, pump me with a toxic drug know to cause permanent damage to 4 of my vital organs. What fun will I be in bed if I can't hang from the chandeliers?

What crushing personal faults have caused you to fail again and again?
My Sicilian temper.

What do you do to make straight cash?
I'm a freelance artist, I own my own business, it's called Supercreator. I specialize in the art of making anything. I'm a whore for building things, the stranger the better. Power tools and glitter surround me. I'm out of work till I get better. I'll do whatever it takes to pay the rent.

Name your top five albums of all time.
Iron Man Black Sabbath
Rolling Stones Sweet Virginia
Blondie Parallel Lines
Wu Tang Clan
Biggie Smalls Juicy
Pat Benatar shadows of the night, heartbreaker
Heart Barracuda
Scorpions Still loving you
Styx Come sail away

Name your favorite books of all time.
Carlos Castanada the pathway to knowledge
Jitterbug perfume Tom Robbins
The art of happiness by the Dali Lama
Ham on Rye and Love is a dog from hell by Charles Bukowski

Who was your hero in junior high?
Bruce Lee

Do you have any trophies, no matter how insignificant? (Bonus points if they were once attached to the bodies of mercilessly vanquished enemies.)
I have a certificate as an inspector of asbestos, I got it when I was a janitor, like I said I'll do anything for money.
I have a cowboy hat from a Vietnam vet who taught me how to make my own bullets and bombs out of bic pens in the basement of the warehouse I used to live in brooklyn.

If you were suddenly granted the miraculous ability to travel back in time up to 200 years, what damsel/mansel would you use this priceless gift to bone?
Tarzan
Sherlock holmes
Genghis Khan
Bob Marley
Nikola Tesla

Tonight's show is online

2011-02-24T15:08:00.001-05:00

You can watch tonight's show at http://www.livestream.com/theknitbrooklyn
We go on around 10:30pm EST.

Video Flyer for the Knitting Factory 2/24

2011-02-22T07:37:00.000-05:00

Video Flyer for Red Palace 2/4

2011-01-25T23:52:00.000-05:00

Video Flyer for Webster Hall

2010-12-02T00:35:00.000-05:00

Finished

2010-10-29T15:48:00.002-04:00

We finished recording on Tuesday. There was a rewrite of one of the songs and it took some time to schedule a couple of hours to rerecord the rewrite. Now, it is done and we've scheduled a date with the mastering. Waiting for the harvest . . .

5 Album Favorites

2010-10-09T07:28:00.001-04:00

Ron:
David Bowie/The Rise and Fall Of Ziggy Stardust
Any Zeppelin record
Jimi Hendrix/Electric Ladyland
Bob Marley/Catch A Fire
Elvin Jones & Richard Davis/Heavy Sounds

Bob:
Jimi Hendrix/Axis Bold as Love
The Beatles/Abbey Road
Pink Floyd/The Wall
Band of Gypsys/Live at the Fillmore East
Miles Davis/Porgy and Bess

Brad:
Jimi Hendrix/Are You Experienced
Jimi Hendrix/Axis: Bold as Love
Jimi Hendrix/Electric Ladyland
John Coltrane/A Love Supreme
Miles Davis/Sketches of Spain

Dave:
Bad Brains/Rock For Light
Melvins/A Senile Animal
Pixies/Doolittle
Devo/Duty Now For The Future
Kryzysztof Penderecki/Orchestral Works

Mo:
Van Halen/Van Halen
Rush/Exit Stage Left
Klaatu/Hope
Queen/Jazz
They Might Be Giants/Flood

New Video!

2010-09-27T07:28:00.001-04:00

We Don't Know Anymore

2010-08-21T07:22:00.006-04:00

We've been called prog rock, glam rock, arena rock and other things for better or worse. Now, we are southern rock, according to a website dedicated to cover songs.

http://www.covermesongs.com/2010/08/sassy-schoolteachers-man-boy-in-dress-horny-pirates-bat-woman-cover-top-ten-hits.html

Yes, we covered Katy Perry. And yes, we did it in the style of Van Halen. We're not apologizing. Maybe to Van Halen, but that's it. And we'll do that only when Michael Anthony is invited back.

and a palate cleanser:

and The Residents covering Hank Williams (If you haven't heard Stars and Hank Forever, then I recommend that you do)

.357 Lover Fan Fiction: When Someone in the Band Rented A Civil Action

2010-08-18T15:31:00.009-04:00

Someone in the band rented A Civil Action on the netflix. Said someone loves to watch Travolta and Duval, no matter what the content. He almost rented Wild Hogs once, but was sheepish about the possibility of having to provide any explanation. "A Civil Action is quite good", he thought, soon after he started it. However, when he got towards the end the disc skipped to the end credits. Instead of alleviating his frustration by running to the video store, he found that it was also streaming on the netflix. He watched the ending and enjoyed the closure.

Video Flyer for Knitting Factory 8/23

2010-08-18T15:29:00.000-04:00

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Ron and Raincoat

2010-08-02T12:04:00.000-04:00

Ron grows tomatoes on his desk by using an electromagnetic-spectrum lamp. He reads the newspaper and some books with the lamp as well, allowing him to feel as if he is in the sunshine while sitting in the comfort of his own home.
He has a dog named Raincoat who loves tomatoes.
Last week, in order to discourage Raincoat from eating tomatoes, he placed a 1/3-scale cutout of Dr. Famularo, the veterinarian who neutered Raincoat, next to the plants.
Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.
At one end of his electromagnetic-spectrum lamp is a handle. Turning the handle revolves the lamp which causes the spectrum to loop itself, rewinding time within a one-meter radius of the lamp. Whenever Raincoat would eat a tomato - by knocking over the veterinarian effigy - Ron would then turn the lamp very fast to get the electromagnetic spectrum to loop itself, reversing time just enough to stop his dog's bad behavior.

Our Day Was Complete

2010-08-01T19:58:00.002-04:00

at 2:30 mark.

2010-07-26T07:48:00.000-04:00

.357 Lover Fan Fiction: When Bob Worked a Day Camp and Lost His Phone

2010-07-21T21:59:00.003-04:00

Bob got a job playing for a day camp out in Eastchester. The only bathrooms were porta-johns. On his first day, he played 2 sets backing up a children's singer-songwriter. During an hour break, Bob went to the bathroom.
Brad called while Bob was going number 2. He was asking about an amp he had loaned to Bob that once belonged to the guitar player for Ambrosia. Bob shifted and knocked his hand on the hand sanitizer and dropped his phone into the hole.
Bob looked in there and thought about getting it out but decided against it.
"Fuck it. Hey Brad, if you can hear me, I'll talk to you, later."
It landed on a paperback copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and still had a signal until Bob went again an hour later.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction: Coupons Don't Pay Bills and Aren't Valid with Alcohol

2010-07-21T21:39:00.004-04:00

Brad was doing a recording session with a guy who owns a couple of restaurants that are similar to Red Robins except that you can't order just a side salad. Brad got more than the other cats since he knew that this guy would try to low-ball him.
The other cats got four 2-for-1 coupons to the guy's restaurant. It was called Western Sizzles. The guy's name was Stephen Sizzles.

Video Flyer for Mercury Show

2010-07-21T06:15:00.001-04:00

If you missed the Diorama of Friends show . . .

2010-07-18T19:57:00.000-04:00

If you missed the show on Saturday night, then you missed some excellent guests. Here are links to those who performed at the .357 Lover's Diorama of Friends Variety Show. Go see them perform.
Lady Rizo
Anna Copa Cabanna
The Love Show
Seth Herzog
Pendulum Swings (Jason Trachtenburg)

Playing December, 2012

2010-07-18T10:09:00.006-04:00

We have a show on a bad-ass ark in late December, 2012.

Ars Nova Video Promo

2010-07-12T11:21:00.001-04:00

.357 Lover Fan Fiction: When Journey Asked Us to Tour with Them

2010-07-12T07:50:00.002-04:00

Once, the band Journey asked us to tour with them. We asked how they found out about us and Neil Schon said it was a youtube video.
"Which one?" I asked.
Schon brought it up on his computer. Meanwhile, the new singer was asking everyone if they'd seen his class ring. He said he liked my wolf ring but that that wasn't it.
Then, Schon turned his computer around and showed me the video.
"That's not us."

.357 Lover Fan Fiction: Ron Made Pizza

2010-07-08T16:03:00.003-04:00

Ron made pizza on the grill for a group of old people as part of his "Get To Know Our Music" series. He emailed the band with the idea that he would target a different demographic each week. His thought was that this plan would plant the seeds for growing a fan base. He put a mix of .357 Lover songs on the stereo along with The Sweet, Sparks, Ween, Queen and Glenn Miller. He also put some Andy Williams in the mix who seemed to be a common equalizer among the elderly.
The old people ate the pizza, asked Ron to turn the stereo either down or off and then asked Ron where McDonald's was.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction: When Dave finally saw The Illustrated Man

2010-07-02T12:32:00.010-04:00

Dave watched The Illustrated Man for the first time yesterday and equated the tattooed man to a .357 Lover fan named Astronaut Mike. If you haven't read the book or seen the movie then you should read the book. If you enjoy dated imagery, then see the movie. If you and your friends enjoy hobo stories, then watch it together without pants, on someone's laptop that's cooking on a rock in the middle of an open fire in a clearing about 50 feet from the tracks. The movie won't last long but you'll get the jist. This is how Dave watched it. Bring beans.

Interview con Paisajes Electricos

2010-06-17T09:34:00.000-04:00

http://www.paisajeselectricos.com/material/entre_357-lover_2010.html

Video Flyer for Highline Show

2010-05-11T12:26:00.000-04:00

Bell House Video Flyer

2010-04-27T20:32:00.006-04:00

Here's a informative video.

Playing to the Ghosts

2010-04-18T13:51:00.002-04:00

This is a song from our rock opera called Alice Wakeman. This song is from the scene where Alice realizes that no one comes to see him play but the ghosts in his castle. We performed it on a show called Fearless. To ghosts.

This rock opera was performed at Ars Nova theater and is currently being rewritten to make more sense.

Give It Up Video

2010-04-02T10:26:00.001-04:00

Video of "Give it Up" from Fearless appearance

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Dave and the Yeti Ghost

2010-03-16T10:13:00.004-04:00

Dave was in Durango once and sprinted up the side of a mountain to get a better look at a valley that was supposedly haunted. It was said that if you cross your eyes while looking into the low-lying fog, then you will see apparitions.
He tried this and didn't see anything. Luckily, he had a 3-D picture book in his backpack along with a ghost-hunting app on his iphone. Practicing with the 3-D book failed him as did the phony app.
As he gained steam trotting down the other side of the mountain, he tripped over a log and landed on a damp patch of moss. Before him was the ghost of a yeti. The yeti melted before him and then a band of police officers showed up soon after.
"Hey son, have you seen any ghosts in fur suits?"
"I'm not your son."
They passed by him and jogged up the mountainside. The yeti ghost reappeared like a claymation video in front of Dave, giving him an exaggerated wink. They palled around that day and the yeti ghost showed Dave the difference between old deer antlers and invisible gold.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Bob Cooks With Cinnamon Sometimes

2010-03-07T13:23:00.003-05:00

Brad ate at Bob's again. Bob put cinnamon in Brad's soup and asked him to guess what the secret ingredient was. Brad guessed nutmeg, then saffron and finally sriracha sauce. Bob opened a ginger ale and put it in front of Brad.
"What does this taste like?"
"Ginger ale."
"You haven't even tasted it, yet."
"I know what ginger ale tastes like."
"Drink it."
"I don't eat sugar. Or drink it."
"You're no fun, man."
"You know what's fun?"
"What?"
"Dr. Mario."
Bob repeated it back, correcting Brad's pronunciation with the "a" sounding similar to the word "match".
"That's good."
So, they played 4 hours of Dr. Mario.
Afterward, Bob went home and made a cinnamon-based ravioli and then had mind sex with one of the girls from the tv show "Friends".

Recording Day 3

2010-02-24T09:04:00.002-05:00

The piano tracks were put down today. I hit some rough spots but I’m pretty happy with the takes. Someone left a copy of The Man Who Loved Only Numbers, so I read that between takes.
The night before we recorded the tentatively titled song “Werewolf” without a click track, giving the song room to breath. It was the only song that we recorded the piano live with the band. The other songs were recorded to a scratch piano, since the baby grand can’t be put into an isolation booth. For “Werewolf”, the drums were moved into the scratch piano’s booth and the baby grand was used in the larger room. The results were excellent and it felt as if we were recording as a family.
After the piano tracks were played, Brad played a guitar track on “Pageant Parade” and a Farfisa track on “Look at Me”.
I got a little stir crazy in the studio. Walking in the rain a few blocks helped clear my head. I think this is going to be a really good album.
-mo

Recording New Album

2010-02-22T08:32:00.003-05:00

We recorded yesterday at The Bunker in Brooklyn. Basic tracks were laid down for most of the album. Ron is playing drums with a glomus tumor under his left thumb. He won't have it removed until after the session is complete. He's also playing with a pinched nerve, causing muscle atrophy on his hands. He's like the Hulk when the Hulk is David Banner with a glomus tumor under his thumb.
Pictures are currently up on my Flickr site and Facebook.
We're going back in today. We will be putting more pics up on our Twitter page.

.357 Lover Fan Faction - When Bob made dinner for Brad

2010-02-16T07:59:00.001-05:00

Brad and Bob had a long day that included a lot of hoping for things that didn't happen. Hoping is very consuming and hope that isn't satiated is even more consuming. So the two had whetted an appetite hoping for a piece of mail to come that never came. The couch that they sat on was very comfortable but made one side of the body receive more comfort than the other side which eventually took its toll on the two seeing eye to eye on some things.
Bob makes really good spaghetti but Brad was in the mood for a soup that Bob's mom used to make. Brad has a crush on Bob's mom and Bob's mom makes a really good soup. Bob insisted that she just opens a can of Bean and Bacon and adds water with a little vinegar. Brad said she didn't. Bob made a delicious casserole from a Woman's Day recipe and Brad ate it. His disappointment in the casserole didn't show because he was still hoping that the mail would come, which was a shirt from LL Bean.

SANTOS PARTY HOUSE VIDEO

2010-02-09T13:46:00.001-05:00

Review of Last Night's Last Night

2010-01-27T11:54:00.001-05:00

It's the end of the residency. We moved out.
http://www.theendofirony.net/2010/01/357-lover-concluded-their-residency-at.html

Line up for Rock n Roll Circus Residency Week 4

2010-01-22T09:52:00.001-05:00

The Final Week, Number Four, of the .357 Lover residency at the Knitting Factory.
Tuesday, January 26
7pm doors
8pm showtime
$5

This week's guests include:
The Pendulum Swings - Jason Trachtenburg, the father of the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players, in his new band.
http://www.myspace.com/slideshowplayers
Poingly - "If the Faint and the Blood Brothers had a bastard child that was raised by Peaches, it would sound like Poingly"
http://www.poingly.com/
Ambrose Martos - A brilliant physical comedian, former Cirque du Soleil clown and 1/3 of Happy Hour Show
http://ambrosemartos.com
Angie Pontani - The Reigning Queen of Burlesque, Miss Exotic World and Miss Cyclone
http://www.angiepontani.com
Gabe Pacheco - The excellent comedy stylings of a former science teacher
http://gabepachecocomedy.com/
DJ NY1's Roger Clark - NY1's Roger Clark plays his favorite tunes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuE32YYq12c
James Maddock - A hard-working, lovely, singer-songwriter
http://www.jamesmaddock.net/

We will play a different set from last week, trying out new things whilst entertaining you.

Knitting Factory is located in Williamsburg, Brooklyn – 4 minute walk from the L/G Train (Lorimer-Metropolitan) or a 7 minute walk from the Bedford L

Venue Info/Advance tickets/etc.
http://bk.knittingfactory.com

New Video - Event Horizon

2010-01-19T07:10:00.002-05:00

This video was made by our friends Scott and Andrew.

Line up for Rock n Roll Circus Residency Week 3

2010-01-19T07:04:00.003-05:00

Week three of the .357 Lover residency at the Knitting Factory.
Tuesday, January 12
7pm doors
8pm showtime
$5

Anna Copacabanna and the MG5 - Lovely glockenspiel driven band. Playing a song from the Muppet Show amongst other things.
http://www.myspace.com/annacopacabanna

supercute! - The new band with Rachel Trachtenburg of the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players!
http://www.myspace.com/supercute

Zero Boy - The Wizard of Oral Affecting Wonders!
http://www.zeroboy.com

Lady Rizo - The Caburlesque Queen of New York City!
http://www.ladyrizoandtheassettes.com

Leo Allen - Former SNL writer, current comedy genius!
http://www.myspace.com/leopoldallen

DJ Harry Hines - The King of Playlists

Cloris Flap - Clown work
http://www.youtube.com/drflummox
and
.357 LOVER

From the first week's show:
http://www.theendofirony.net/2010/01/357-lover-corn-mo-kicked-off-tuesday.html

We will play a different set from last week, trying out new things whilst entertaining you

Knitting Factory is located in Williamsburg, Brooklyn - 4 minute walk from the L/G Train (Lorimer-Metropolitan) or a 7 minute walk from the Bedford L

Venue Info/Advance tickets/etc.
http://bk.knittingfactory.com

Rock n Roll Circus Residency Week 2

2010-01-08T09:27:00.000-05:00

Week two of the .357 Lover residency at the Knitting Factory.
Tuesday, January 12
7pm doors
8pm showtime
$5

This Tuesday's guests are:

- Sky White Tiger - Haunting sounds from L. Schwadron who has played with the Polyphonic Spree and Rufus Wainwright http://www.myspace.com/skywhitetiger
- Albert Cadabra - Sideshow Extraordinaire and Magician who performs daily at Ripley's Believe it Or Not! http://www.albertcadabra.com/
- Jason Quarles - Comedy genius
http://www.digitalcity.com/2009/04/16/interview-comedian-actor-singer-and-pilates-instructor-jason-qu/
- Jo Boobs - Beautiful Lady who founded the NY School of Burlesque
http://www.myspace.com/joweldon
- Fletch as DJ Harry Hines
http://www.myspace.com/royalharryhines
-The Dead River Company - Stripped down bluegrass orchestra
http://www.myspace.com/thedeadrivercompany

and
.357 LOVER

We will play a different set from last week, trying out new things whilst entertaining you.

Knitting Factory is located in Williamsburg, Brooklyn - 4 minute walk from the L/G Train (Lorimer-Metropolitan) or a 7 minute walk from the Bedford L

Venue Info/Advance tickets/etc.
http://bk.knittingfactory.com

The Show the Other Night

2010-01-07T08:18:00.001-05:00

http://www.theendofirony.net/2010/01/357-lover-corn-mo-kicked-off-tuesday.html

Tonight is the Night for the Residency of January

2010-01-05T10:56:00.001-05:00

Residency at the Knitting Factory
doors at 7, show at 8
$5
Details at: www.knittingfactory.com
The line up tonight also includes:
Kissy Kamikaze - Sweet Punk Sounds
Miss Saturn - Hula Hoop Star
Magic Brian - Magic and Sideshow Marvel
Roger Hailes - Comedy Central Sensation
and tonight's dj is NY1's Roger Clark.

Time Cop Fan Video

2009-12-09T23:39:00.002-05:00

Golden Warrior Fan Video

2009-11-15T21:25:00.002-05:00

Saturday the 14th at Knitting Factory

2009-11-13T09:36:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow night we go Richard Benjamin on your ass at the Knitting Factory!

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Eating Wings Too Fast Before a Show

2009-09-17T16:36:00.003-04:00

A kid in Charlottesville got my rider from years ago rather than the band's rider and we got a huge plate of wings. They were going to be cold after the show and I don't normally eat before a show because it's harder to sing that way but I wanted to show Dave and the Giant's manager, Scott, the rhythm of the competitive wing-eating champion The Wingador.
I threw up in my mouth during the first song.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Summoning the Spirit of John Carter in the Midst of Wolves

2009-09-10T16:19:00.003-04:00

Ron and Dave were getting snacks at the Wawa while I pumped gas. Brad was sleeping. When I finished getting gas I walked over to the outdoor bathroom. My back hurt from not going in some time. When I found it was locked I walked into the woods. I could still be seen by the gas station patrons so I walked on further into the woods. At some point I found the woods had become forest and the gas station had disappeared. I unzipped my pants and enjoyed the silence. As I began peeing a wolf jumped at my back and began clamping down on the back of my neck. Instead of throwing it off, my first instinct was to pull up my pants. I was able to button my pants but not zip up as the wolf threw me towards the whole pack of them. These weren't beautiful wolves. These wolves had the eyes of humans who thirsted for blood. I reached for my Leatherman but it was still in the van. So, I had to depend the power of my fists. The anger made me stronger and I pounded the sides of the werewolves with great might. I felt I had a third eye but later found it to just be a gash on my forehead from the claws of a beast.
Afterward, I felt like I had a terrible hangover. Even though I was sore, I enjoyed the silence. I heard a rustling of leaves, not wolf paws but human feet. I couldn't tell you how I got back but before I passed out I heard a man talking:
"When i am defeated by the pack of wolves in the forest below the castle cliff, it will be King Diamond who will carry me over his shoulder so that someday I will get my revenge."
We had an okay show that night.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - We Are a Cartoon

2009-09-10T10:27:00.006-04:00

One time we opened for Gilby Clarke and this kid comes up to me and begins telling me he's seen me a couple of times. He said I was good.
Then, he introduced me to his manager and then let on that he played blues guitar.
He was wearing a zoot suit not unlike a suit that could have been worn by MC Skat Cat. I was nice to him. When I went inside he told Kevin, our old drummer who moved to Austin, that I was a clown and played cartoonish music. Then, he proposed that Kevin quit our band and join his blues band.
Kevin said no.

Ted Baxter Fan Fiction

2009-09-05T19:53:00.002-04:00

Ted Knight came to the show the other night. He was wearing a white suit with a black tie and his shoes were white but his socks were black. He ordered a seltzer water at the bar from a difficult position between two women who were sitting close to each other. I know this because I stopped doing between-song banter and watched him argue with the bartender over what goes in a seltzer besides seltzer. Ted Knight was turning red in the face over the absence of a maraschino cherry. Werner Klemperer came over and tried to calm him down. It didn't work. Ted Knight's collar began smoking and his head turned to fire like Ghost Rider's skull. We had to stop playing.
We don't play there anymore. Not because of Ted Knight but because the house piano's sustain pedal doesn't work and the sound guy thought we stole their bass amp.

.357 Lover on East Village Radio

2009-09-04T12:33:00.003-04:00

Brad and Mo went on the Beyond Beyond is Beyond show on East Village Radio. Here is a link to the show: http://tinyurl.com/BBiBwMN
We are on the September 3rd show.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Band Meeting

2009-09-04T01:37:00.003-04:00

We had an idea to do a soundtrack to each Dilbert comic strip. Then, it changed to Garfield but everyone was doing Garfield stuff and then we talked about a Halloween album and then it got quiet.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Dancing Andy Idea

2009-08-28T15:32:00.003-04:00

Aaron Copeland came on the radio and his variation on Simple Gifts prodded us to talk about the rock opera. (I'd lifted Simple Gifts and inserted it in our song called Rock Godz.) I told them the newer story that Jim Rado had helped work out.
Then, we talked about Dancin' Andy and Dave said he could watch him for hours without tripping. Rodeo Dan, the load-in guy, said he hasn't had a hit of acid in a long time. Not since high school.
Dancin' Andy should learn Native American dances. Sioux in particular. He should also wear jingle bells and tie hammers to his forearms and use them in a round, enclosed fence area. Some of the flats on the fence should be metal as well as wood. Furthermore, at least 2 slats should be chamber bells and one should have an acoustic pickup with midi. Lights would be cool, too.
Dancin' Andy, if you're reading this, you can have these ideas.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Snakes on a Plane Argument

2009-08-27T10:48:00.003-04:00

We got into an argument about Snakes on a Plane in the van. Dave said it was stupid even if you added camp value. Brad said camp value is like pouring maple syrup on a gamey animal. Ron started talking about Singapore food stalls and I never got around to asking who had actually seen Snakes on a Plane.
When we got to the hotel room, I noticed the end credits of Snakes were rolling on the television set. I didn't revive the earlier conversation.

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Tastes Like Chicken Because It Is Chicken

2009-08-27T10:44:00.007-04:00

Me and Dave went to WaWa after the show and got sandwiches. He doesn't eat meat. We got our sandwiches mixed up but he eats so goddamn fast he didn't notice. I ate his and pointed to the tv that was showing Under Siege, the first one. That movie has sentimental value between us. Misdirection is key.
mo

.357 Lover Fan Fiction - Adonis on Sea Bass

2009-08-26T09:01:00.002-04:00

In the van we had an argument about bacon. Ron said that you could put it inside a sea bass and it would make the sea bass taste like tilapia with a hot dog inside its cavity. I drifted off to sleep and dreamed my teeth were falling out. We didn't sell any merch that night.
mo

From Russia with Lover

2009-06-24T17:29:00.000-04:00

It seems there is an old Russian metal band from the 80's that look a LOT like .357 Lover. So weird.

dirty undies

2009-06-18T14:12:00.000-04:00

So apparently there's this bar in the east village that is pissing off its neighbors by being too loud too late into the night. So the residents have retaliated by persistently hanging dirty panties on clotheslines in plain view of the bar's patio.

I'm not sure this will harm the bar's business, but it might begin to attract a different type of patron

.357 Lover blog

2009-05-21T10:33:00.000-04:00

... from out of the fog of the internet comes a band of heroes ready to sacrifice their carpal tunnels so that YOU can be properly BLOGGED...